“If you were born female, you may as well embrace it with all your heart and live your femaleness to the full. To do anything less is to shortchange the destiny of your life!

________________________________________

…As you catch the vision to be the Enricher of your home, you will also be an…

Enabler – enabling your children to reach their full destiny.

Encourager – daily encouraging your husband and each one of your children for who they are and for the little things they do for you.

Endearer – endearing your family to one another.

Enhancer – enhancing the atmosphere of love and joy in your home, making it richer day by day.

Enlarger – enlarging your heart to embrace the poor and needy.

Enlightener – giving understanding and enlightenment of the ways of God to your children.

Enlivener – seeking to make your home alive with the presence of God.

Ennobler – making your children honorable and noble in all things.

Enthraller – enthralling your children with new ideas, creativity and the wonders of God’s creation.

Enthuser – enthusing your children to be ardent for God.

Entertainer – keeping your little children happy.

Enticer – enticing your children into the joy of prayer and reading God’s living Word.

Enveloper – wrapping your children around with protection and love.

Envisioner – giving vision and hope to each member of the family.

Energizer – releasing the spirit of work and creativity in the home.

Engraver – engraving the names of your children upon your heart in prayer. (Exodus 28:29-30)

Entreater – entreating your children to keep a straight course in the ways of God.”

-Nancy Campbell Quoted from AboveRubies.org

This, and more, is the calling of a Keeper of the Home.

This high calling cannot be accomplished by half-hearted women –

This calling takes total commitment and thoroughness. It cannot be accomplished through our own human strength –

This calling takes tenacity and resolve. It cannot be accomplished through our human knowledge –

This calling takes a thorough study of Scripture.  This calling takes women of faith, ladies of purpose, and daughters of vision.

Obsessed? Possibly.

Passionate? Absolutely!!

We need ladies that are passionate about their roles as women in the home.  Biblical Womanhood is not about cleaning bathrooms, feeding ten (or 20) kids and weeding our gardens and baking cookies (which is really not a bad thing to make! lol). Biblical Womanhood is a mindset, and the Scriptures have been given for our instruction on this subject.  As daughters and future Homemakers we must be committed to the study of the Scriptures. Our teenage and single years are only as productive and eternal as we make them, and unfortunately, most of us live these single years as though it were a curse to be rid of.  No, but sadly the truth, if we think this way then we know not the Scriptures.

“And his (or her) interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.”

1 Corinthians 7:34

We must care for the things of the Savior and as we dedicate our life to the Lord, we will be preparing ourselves to dedicate our life to our husband and children in the future. Our effectiveness to carry this out today will affect how we will respond in the future. The Christian life works like a beautiful circle – each phase of our life prepares for the next.

“You shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.  You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

Deuteronomy 11:18, 19

We cannot teach until we have first laid up His words and bound them upon our hearts (Prov. 6:21). We must study to know the doctrines of Christ, how we are to live our lives, and defend our faith and we must be doing this now. Here is a quote from Jonathon Edwards from one of his sermons on the importance of redeeming your time (I really like this one!):

“…time is very precious, because when it is past, it cannot be recovered. There are many things which men possess, which if they part with, they can obtain them again. If a man have parted with something which he had, not knowing the worth of it, or the need he should have of it; he often can regain it, at least with pains and cost. If a man have been overseen in a bargain, and have bartered away or sold something, and afterwards repents of it, he may often obtain a release, and recover what he had parted with. —But it is not so with respect to time. When once that is gone, it is gone forever; no pains, no cost will recover it. Though we repent ever so much that we let it pass, and did not improve it while we had it, it will be to no purpose. Every part of it is successively offered to us, that we may choose whether we will make it our own, or not. But there is no delay. It will not wait upon us to see whether or no we will comply with the offer. But if we refuse, it is immediately taken away, and never offered more. As to that part of time which is gone, however we have neglected to improve it, it is out of our possession and out of our reach.”

Time is always ticking, never to be gained ever again. What are we doing that is worthwhile? Are we cherishing each moment Christ has given us here on earth, or do we desire to do something else instead?  Let’s quote Mrs. Campbell again in her blessed words:

“If you were born female, you may as well embrace it with all your heart and live your femaleness to the full. To do anything less is to shortchange the destiny of your life! We must passionately and without reserve give ourselves over to Christ and the study to know Him. We don’t need someone crazy.

But one step short of crazy, what do you get? Passionate!”

Love and blessings in Christ our Lord,

What hope chest would be complete without adding a quilt (or two)?!

Quilts have been around for many centuries, and have brought much comfort, love and protection to all who have made and/or own them!  Every handmade quilt has a story and wonderful memories behind every one!   Any time my mom and I (and yes, sometimes my brothers too) are in an antique store and we find an old quilt, I stare intentively at it, wondering: “if you could talk, what stories could you tell, what memories are hidden in your past?” I absolutely LOVE quilts, and who does not!?  My grandmother has made me quilts since I was born and all of them are so very special as I know she poured all her love into each and every one!  My brothers even have what they call “cool” quilts she made them as well and she is so creative with them too, whether it was adding a piece of fabric from a dress I wore as a little girl, or “car tracks” on my brother’s quilts so they could play with their toy cars on them! Each and every one is different and unique to that particular person!  I made my first little patch work “quilt” (it was actually a place mat) when I was 5 ½, and made my first big quilt (a Full sized quilt) at the age of 13, and have made a few since then (and am working on one now!).  My favorite part of making a quilt is putting on the binding!  Knowing that the quilt is almost complete and adding those finishing touches and stitches are so exciting! Of course my least favorite is (like almost anyone else) ripping out seams if I messed up! ARGH!!

Quilts remind me of our relationship with Christ and how he has made each and every one of us so different and unique from each other, like the patches in a quilt!  Each and every one of them is so special to our Creator and He loves each and every one of those “chosen patches” and His love “binds” the quilt together to make it complete!

Colossians 3:1-17

“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.  For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.  When Christ who is your  life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you:  sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming.  In these you too once walked, when you were living in them.  But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.  Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self  with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.   Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave,  free; but Christ is all, and in all.

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,  bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.  And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.   And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.   Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.   And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.“

There are many different kinds of quilts you can make such as: wedding quilts, scrap quilts, baby quilts (especially with flannel), Good Bye quilts (for a dear family or friend moving away), memory quilts, special color themed quilts, and many more that make a quilt so very special to add to any hope chest or give away to friends /and or/ family!

Even if you are not very good at quilting, I would encourage you to try your hand at it, or to have a close friend make one for you who would be willing to do so (you supply the essentials of course).     Here are a few pictures of some quilts I own!

Here is a picture of a special quilt my grandmother made when I was 6 years old!  It is in wonderful condition, just a bit of color fade from it being on my bed often!

Here is my second quilt that I made with a sewing group a few years back!  We joke around at home saying that the quilt is so bright, you need sunglasses to see it!  LOL! J  This quilt is a sampler quilt from Debbie Mum’s web-site! She hosts a new sampler quilt every year giving away a block pattern a month so you finish your quilt in a year!

I made a few months ago a cute boy’s baby quilt with trains galore on it!   It has not been spoken for yet, but is waiting to be given to a baby boy to cuddle up with it in the future for someone special!

A hope chest without a quilt is like tea without honey, it is ok without it, but not quite the same without its sweetness!  Quilts can make many memories that will bring much comfort to a young lady when she is married and getting used to new home, and surroundings, or someone who is sick would love a quilt to cuddle with or keep them warm.   Having a quilt is such a WONDERFUL thing to have!

Here are some good book recommendations on quilts and patterns for them:

The Farmer’s Wife Sampler Quilt by Laurie Aaron Hird

Block by Block to Beautiful Quilts by Thimbleberries

Quilt in a Day Underground Railroad Sampler Quilt by Elanor Burns

I would highly recommend buying this magazine, though you can only find it in your local craft/fabric store:

Quilts and More by Better Homes and Gardens

Well, I hope this has been another wonderful inspiring article to you!  I would LOVE to hear if you have any ideas on future articles, as I would love to write more of them and have a couple ideas! I have gotten so many sweet comments from all of you and feel led to share more of what I know about hope chests!  What would you like to see in future hope chest articles!?

Blessings in Christ,

I hope you enjoy it!

Love in Christ,

Miss Antoinette

Set Apart by God

As I contemplated about what to write I realized that as men we do not really spend much time on this subject.  But as men and fathers we should be more aquatinted with this area of family life.  As fathers we are to raise sons to be godly husbands and if we have daughters to raise them to be the helper (Gen 2:18) God has created them to be. To do this we need to lean on the word of God and not the wisdom of man.  There is plenty of information out there that is simply a repackaging of cultural ideals with Christian labels but we need to be seeking to raise sons and daughters that align with God’s all sufficient word.

My encouragement to daughters is to seek to be women that are not conforming to the standards of the world but to the eternal standards of the word of God.  It is not enough to simply avoid the ways of the world but you must seek to follow the ways of God.  This standard will often be labeled by the world with any number of derogatory terms but that should not dissuade you from seeking to be the woman God has called you to be.

In Romans 12:1-2 we are told that our lives are to be set apart for God and as daughters of God that set apart life is worship to God.  This passage also lets us see that we are not to seek the worlds standards but are to be transformed by God’s renewing of our minds.  What is so important is to see is that this is not a one-time transformation but one that is continual as we live our lives for God.  I would also encourage you to see that conforming to Gods word is not a momentary endeavor so as daughters you should be seeking to continually be conforming to God’s word and see it as worship of our almighty God.

What is also amazing about this passage is that we are told that this is not only a command of God but one that comes with a promise.  Verse 2 ends by letting us see that this is not simply a standard we may or may not be able to reach but is one we can succeed at.  Seeking to be a godly woman that glorifies God is not some lofty standard for a “super spiritual few” but a standard that God has empowered for all of His children.  So as a daughter of God you are not asked to do that which God has not also enabled you to be as one of His children.

I pray this is encouraging as often there is much information about what you are to be but Romans 12:1-2 lets us see that you can be all God has called you to be by His power.  The call to be a godly woman is not some unreachable goal but by diligent time in His all-sufficient word will show you the path and by the power of God that path can be followed.  What greater joy than to live the life God has called you to live for His glory and His purposes.

Grace and Peace,

Tony Konvalin

www.tonykonvalin.blogspot.com

I hope you enjoy this weeks hope chest article! 

Heirloom Stain Remover Recipe

Don’t you just hate it when you get a stain on one of your garments, or maybe you have an old heirloom turning yellow in your hope chest, or something of the sort and it seems that nothing will get that stain out no matter how many times you wash it, or treat it with something!?  I have had (and still do) this problem, So thought I would share with you the best stain remover recipe I have ever used that my mother found by a lady who restores antique items and uses this recipe to make antique fabric items look like new!!!  It is safe to use even on the most delicate of fabrics such as satins and laces!   I am going to continue to use this recipe for many years to come (Lord willing) and create my own special heirloom recipe out of it!  I hope you enjoy this recipe and will give it a try yourself and see how wonderful it is!    From my family to yours :

For items that need a good deep soaking use: 1 TBSP. Clorox 2, and 1 TBSP. Mild dish soap (such as Ivory, Seventh Generation, mainly any mild soap with no dye in it)

Mix together in a large container (the container you will soak your items in) and slowly add warm water till you can fully submerge your items in the soapy water.  Let sit overnight, then rinse in washing machine then the dryer or let hang to dry depending on the item.

*Tip* If the items stain has not been removed enough after the first soaking, start process again BEFORE putting in dryer.

For items that have a small stain, but do not need to be fully submerged: use small equal parts of Clorox 2 and Mild dish soap mix together and rub onto stain with a pinch of water. Let sit over night, then rinse off mixture and put in the washer. Again if the stain has not come out all the way, try the process again.

*Tip*To make sure your soap will not harm your items, simply put a small amount of the mixture in a small area of your item and let sit over night, if all is well use as directed, if not, then try a different soap.

I hope this becomes a recipe you will use for a long time as our family has, and that you would let us know how it works for you!  If you have any questions, feel free to ask,  my mother and I are more than willing to answer any of your questions!

Blessings in Christ,

Miss Antoinette

I thought that this week we would look at one thing that all young ladies should put into their hope chest but even be wearing it now and that is an apron!   I know at first when the thought of aprons came to me at the age of about 13 I thought it was so silly and only moms and grandma’s wore those, but not someone young like me (I was not too fond of cooking and baking at the time either)!  Our culture has not just downgraded the usefulness of the hope chest, but even aprons to an extent!  Now, they are starting to come back and almost everyone now wants to own one, but how many of those ladies actually wear it for what it is truly used for or just want to have it as long as it is “in” fashion?  In the prairie days, they were worn practically all day as they were constantly working on things in the kitchen and they would even use them while doing outside work as well such as gardening, collecting eggs, and such and would have special aprons for all the different kinds of work around the home (inside, and outside)!   To keep the clothes that they had (normally only one or two outfits) from getting stained and dirty,  the apron was the best item to keep them clean.  I have now come to understand the importance of aprons and have even come to appreciate them so much as I am now the owner of a few myself and wear them every time I am working in the kitchen (which is very often now), and I try to remember to use it in the garden as well!  This is one item I would encourage all you young ladies to use often, and to even put one or two in your hope chest for your future home!  You can never have too many aprons!  I am so blessed that I will be able to pass this special item down to my future daughters (Lord willing).

A neat tip if making an heirloom apron: Make the ties (or the whole thing) with an old sheet from an old relative (Great grandmother, etc) this gives a wonderful heirloom twist to an apron!

Here is one I did for my cousin’s new bride with the heirloom twist for the ties, and neck! You can see photos, and read more about it HERE!

Here is a couple photos of an apron I finished for myself not too long ago! next time I think I will add pockets, as I always seem to need them when I am cooking/baking! 

Side #1

Side #2

To end my post I would like to share a neat poem I found a few days ago that I thought fit so well with my topic for today…..

Grandma’s Apron
by Tina Trivett

The strings were tied, It was freshly washed, and maybe even pressed.
For Grandma, it was everyday to choose one when she dressed.
The simple apron that it was, you would never think about;
the things she used it for, that made it look worn out.

She may have used it to hold, some wildflowers that she’d found.
Or to hide a crying child’s face, when a stranger came around.
Imagine all the little tears that were wiped with just that cloth.
Or it became a potholder to serve some chicken broth.

She probably carried kindling to stoke the kitchen fire.
To hold a load of laundry, or to wipe the clothesline wire.
When canning all her vegetables, it was used to wipe her brow.
You never know, she might have used it to shoo flies from the cow.

She might have carried eggs in from the chicken coop outside.
Whatever chore she used it for, she did them all with pride.
When Grandma went to heaven, God said she now could rest.
I’m sure the apron that she chose, was her Sunday best.

God bless,

Miss. Antoinette K.

Hello everybody! I thought that this week I would share a couple pictures of some of my heirloom pillow cases that I have in my hope chest, and some I even am using now!

Pillow Case 1 :     

This Pillow case above I hand embroidered about 3 to 4 years ago, and have made some for friends as a wonderful gift for Birthdays!  This was very simple and easy to make, and will after a few generations become it’s own heirloom! I made a pink one as well and I use both of these!

Pillow Case 2 :        

This Pillow case my Grandmother who taught me how to sew made this for me when I was about 7 or 8 years old and I was still using it  till I put it in my hope chest about a week ago!

*Tip*I use my pillow cases to put quilts in, or sandwich breakables between blankets/quilts and put them in pillow cases to keep them from breaking!  It also makes your hope chest more organized as well if you are like me and cannot stand to see disorder in your hope chest!  I have known to be the “Clean Freak” of the house! *blush*

Pillow Case 3 :      

This pillow case was my great grandmothers and was in pretty bad shape as it was turning yellow from age, but thanks to my mom’s special cleaning mixture (which I will be posting about next week), I was able to turn it from terrible to fabulous!  I have 2 of these, one to use, and one in my hope chest!

I hope that this encourages you to store pillow cases whether they are hand made, or ones you find at the thrift store, you can do so many things with a pillow case!

Here is a post that the Long ladies did last week on how to make a cute pleated skirt :

http://mariemadelinestudio.typepad.com/mariemadeline_studio/2010/01/the-most-adorable-little-pleated-skirt-tutorial-ever.html

You can easily make this lovely skirt with a pillow case!

May the Lord bless you and keep you!

Love in Christ,

Miss Antoinette

Today I will discuss the last 2 ideas for filling your hope chest :

Recipes : You will always want to keep those cherished family recipes  safe and well organized so a couple ideas on how to organize those special recipes are :

1. Binder : I have a special cook book binder I bought from a local book store made especially for keeping those prized recipes safe and well organized and here is a photo of it below!

You can even transform a simple binder into a wonderful recipe binder as well with a few simple touches!

Also, recipes does not just mean cooking and baking, I am saving a binder for all of my home made house cleaning and body care recipes as well and the binder is so well for this too!  Making your very own house hold cleaning supply’s saves so much money and is worth the time to try some of them out!

1. Recipe Box : I also have one of these that I love to use as well!  If you have a brother, or dad who can do some wood working, this is a fun project they can do, or even teach you how to make and will create lots of sweet memories!  And the best part, you can decorate it to your heart’s content!

Now for the last and final idea to finish this segment :

Sewing Basket : Just having the extra needle and thread for fixing and mending a button less shirt or tear in a skirt is just two reasons why most young ladies should have a sewing basket. As you never know when you just might need those items inside!  I mend my father’s and brother’s shirts and pants whenever there in need of fixing and they are very grateful that I can help them in that area!   Whether you are an avid sewer like me, or just learning, or just wanting to know the basics of mending things the sewing basket is a wonderful addition to any hope chest!  Here are some ideas on items to put into a basic sewing basket : Needles, thread (go basic colors : black, white, navy, and brown for starters!), thread wax (to keep thread from twisting while hand sewing), thimble, buttons (again basic colors in various sizes), tape measure, 2 pairs of sissors (a small pair for cutting thread, and a larger pair for cutting fabric), seam ripper (this will become your best friend no matter how well you sew! J ), pins, safty pins, marking pens (usually in water soluble form, or one that dissaperes after a few minutes of aplying to fabric), and lots more, but these are what I can thik of off the top of my head! If you can think of any more, feel free to add them to your collection of audities in your basket! For the sewing basket itself, you can purchase one from a craft store, or just purchase a basket, and add the items to it, the possabilitys are endless!

Well, this is the end of another fun segment I enjoyed putting together for all of you dear readers, and I hope all of my post on this topic and all others have inspired you so far and give you a wide variety of things to put into your hope chest!  If you have a good idea about a topic you would like to see posted, just leave me a comment letting me know what it is, your input truly helps me greatly in writing these articles!

Blessings,

Miss. Antoinette K.

Today we will be discussing another idea for filling your hope chest with lovely, practical, useful, simple things that make hope chests so wonderful!

*Please know that my lists are not exhaustive nor mandatory.  Something I think is essential for my hope chest may not be practical or useful for you and vice versa.  My goal is to wet you appetite and get your creative juices flowing.   Most importantly ask the Lord to help you make wise selections that will glorify Him in your home.  It would grieve me to think that I have encouraged someone in frivolous materialism.

Now onto the idea for this week:

Kitchen Implements: Nothing makes your work and/or projects more enjoyable than the right attitude and proper tools to get the job done.  For me this includes good wooden spoons, stainless steel measuring cups and measuring spoons. (my mom surprised me with heart shaped measuring spoons ~ very neat!)  I really like the serving spoons, ladle and spatula my mom uses so she has been buying these for me one by one as the budget allows!

*It is an important note: Do NOT store plastics in a cedar hope chest!!!  Besides the plastic absorbing the strong scent which will never leave there is a chemical reaction that  takes place leaving the plastic feeling sticky and greasy.  That also will not go away.  My Mom’s cousin learned that the hard way!  Wooden spoons will absorb the cedar scent in wooden spoons will over time go away when being in used and no longer stored in the chest.  The cedar scent in wooden spoons will not effect food prep. In any way.

I could go on, and on listing many more items like a rolling pin, glass liquid measuring cups in several sizes, a set of sharp cutting knives….. etc.  I hesitate to do so however, knowing that these items basically keep the same shape and style from year to year and will always be available.  It is those items that you are using now that belong to your mom, grandmother or aunt that feel right as you use them.  Take wooden spoons for instance they come in many shapes and some just do not feel right to me.  So I keep my eyes open for the shapes and styles that I am used to using so I will feel at home and not awkward in my future kitchen!

Well, I hope this has been another useful, encouraging post to you and I hope you will join me next week for another idea for filling your hope chest!

Grace and Peace,

Miss. Antoinette K.

Enjoy!

By Israel Wayne

Courtship is taking the nation by storm. It seems any homeschool convention of substance has an “expert” on marriage preparation who usually explains how courtship is a wise and even “Biblical” alternative to dating. Even the secular media is jumping on the bandwagon, talking about the newest hair-brained scheme of these radical homeschoolers. “What will they think of next?!”

This may come as a surprise to many, but I don’t believe courtship is Biblical. In fact, I don’t even think it is pragmatically wise. >From the beginning, I’ve had reservations about it, but now that I’ve had a chance to observe the “courtship movement” for a while, my fears are confirmed. It has created some problematic situations.

Don’t misunderstand; I’m not in support of dating! I believe the promiscuous American dating scene is definitely preparation for divorce, not marriage. The consequences of giving your heart to one person after another, only to have it sent through the meat grinder and handed back to you, is a practice that should have died out with the dinosaurs. Non-committed romantic relationships ought to be absent from a young person’s life. We all need to “kiss dating goodbye.”

The question is, however, “Is courtship the solution to America’s dating crisis?” From what I have observed, I feel I can say emphatically, “No, it is not!”

Chapter And Verse On Courtship

First of all, nowhere in Scripture do we find the term, “Courtship.” It doesn’t exist in the Bible. Actually, neither does the concept. As hard as you may look, there are no “courting couples” in the Bible. That should be our first clue that this is not a completely “Biblical” idea.

The method of getting married found in the Bible is based on covenant relationship, with commitment as the key element. I believe the return to courtship is the result of wanting to turn back the hands of time to a better, more wholesome age. In my mind, it is much like those who wish we could just get the Bible back in the government schools. Sure, that would be nice, but that doesn’t make governmental education a Biblical notion.

In the same way, going back to a simpler time may be refreshing, and certainly it is better than what we are currently seeing, but we shouldn’t settle with what is old; we should desire what is right. Let’s not fall short of God’s best.

One of the main arguments against dating is that it is emotionally damaging to give your heart to someone you aren’t going to marry. I agree completely. Yet, this can also be a problem in a courtship situation. Let me explain.

The Definition Of Terms

As with anything, we have to be clear what we mean when we use certain words. We must be sure we are speaking the same language.

Dating

Dating is a non-committed form of emotional promiscuity, where one is romantically involved with someone whom they have no certainty (and often no intention) of marrying. In most homes, it does not require the blessing or permission of the parents, and it is often unsupervised and unchaperoned. Dating most often includes “going with” and breaking up with numerous people. This is done supposedly to help the young person become accustomed to romance and relationships with the opposite sex. It is supposed to be a psychological necessity for a healthy long-lasting marital relationship. One pastor went as far as to say that dating was needed because it causes emotional pain, and pain builds character. I feel sorry for this man’s children! Life hands us enough legitimate pain without inflicting unneeded agony on ourselves.

Courtship

Courtship is much more conservative than dating, and almost always mandates the blessing of the parents. The young couple usually meets at the parents’ home, or with a group. There is little physical contact, and usually you would never court anyone who wouldn’t be a serious candidate for marriage. Courtship is considered the interim between just being friends, and being engaged. During the courtship stage, the family tries to determine whether the relationship should progress into an engagement. The parents are usually heavily involved with each stage and often have complete say as to when and if the relationship moves into engagement.

Courting means “wooing, or seeking the affections of another person.” One dictionary even uses the term “flattery.” Unfortunately, if you are trying to gain someone’s favor (as you do in courting and dating), you may put on a false front, and not really act in a normal way. Therefore, couples who have no commitment for marriage, often have a difficult time getting to know the true personality of the person they are courting. This provides many surprises after the honeymoon has ended!

I know many young couples who have been brought together, by the Lord, through courtship (or even dating for that matter). I don’t want to imply that their relationships aren’t legitimate or God-ordained. God can choose to bring two people together using any one of these options, but some are more risky processes than others.

Courtship Gone Wrong

When it works, courtship is better than dating. When it flops, however, it is much more painful. You see, in dating, no one has false expectations. You go into the relationship knowing there is no commitment to marriage. At any time, the other person is free to break up with you. You expect it.

What makes courtship so dangerous is that the young people go into the relationship assuming that they have the parent’s blessing and that they can move forward into marriage if they want to. They also assume that the other young person is serious about getting married, and there is little chance that the young man will get turned down when he proposes. Oftentimes, these assumptions prove to be dreadfully false.

Let me tell you about a courtship gone wrong which occurred not long ago.

A young man went to the father of a certain girl and asked, “May I court your daughter?” The girl’s father knew that the homeschooled young man was a Godly and respectable fellow, so he gave his consent. One evening after dinner, the two fathers of the young courting couple were reclining in the living room.

“Won’t it be wonderful if my daughter and your son get married someday?” exclaims the one father to the other.

“Yes, that will be great.”

“Can you imagine us both being grandfathers? Won’t that be great?”

“Oh yes,” declares the young man’s dad, “They will make great parents.”

“Won’t it be beautiful to see our grandbaby baptized and dedicated to the Lord in the church?” said the girl’s dad, who happened to be a Presbyterian. The other father, a Baptist wasn’t so sure this was such a great idea.

“My grandchildren will make a confession of faith when they are older, and receive a believers baptism!”

“But, what about the covenant?!” retorted the Presbyterian. The two men began to angrily shout at each other until one of them declared, “This isn’t going to work! Our children simply cannot be married. They aren’t compatible!”

The two fathers determined that these two young people, whom they had blessed to enter a courtship together, were never to see each other again.

Can you imagine how devastated this young couple was? They thought they had the blessing of the parents. They assumed the fathers had prayed about the relationship and had only given the go ahead after determining that it was the Lord’s will for these two to be married. This was not the case. This courtship turned out to be a carnal way for these two dads to determine whom their children dated (or courted as the case may be). It had nothing to do with the will of God; it was regulated by the will of the parents.

Parental control in a relationship, apart from the anointing of the Holy Spirit will bring death and destruction to the beautiful plan of God.

Betrothal

In a betrothal model, there is no intermediate courtship stage. There is friendship and then there is betrothal or engagement. The two young people initially get to know each other as friends, in a non-romantic setting. They may do this at family get-togethers, or in church or group functions. Ideally, in a betrothal setting, a young man will evaluate a potential wife based on an objective set of Biblical standards and criteria, and if he feels God wants him to marry a certain young woman, he submits this idea to his parents.

If his parents affirm that he should propose to a certain young lady, he then talks to her father. You may have heard the archaic term “pledging your troth.” It sounds funny, but it means that you are pledging your “loyalty, faithfulness and devotion.” Thus the young man makes a binding commitment to the young woman, and pledges to be faithful to her as long as they both shall live. If the father rejects the young man’s offer, the young man should have the integrity to move on with his life, and not hurt the emotions of the young lady. She may not need to know he has even proposed.

If the young woman’s father feels that this young man is the one who should marry his daughter, he and his wife talk to their daughter, and the decision is left with her. Her reply to the young man must be one that is approached with sobriety and prayer. If she says no, the father tells the young man, and he respects the young lady’s wishes. (A betrothal is not in any way a prearranged marriage that leaves the young people with no choice in the matter of who they marry. Even the Biblical Rebekah was asked if she would go away and marry Isaac. The decision was hers.) If she is in agreement, they become betrothed, or engaged, and set a date for the wedding.

During the betrothal stage, they have the freedom to become emotionally bonded with each other, since both have committed to marriage. Betrothal is similar to courtship in that it insists that the young people must avoid inordinate physical contact. In fact, my wife and I kissed for the first time at the wedding altar.

In Biblical times, a betrothal was legally binding and in order to break off a betrothal the young man had to give his betrothed a certificate of divorce. They were considered legally bound and committed to marriage.

Prepare For Marriage, Not Divorce

You may wonder why anyone would go through this much trouble to prepare for marriage. Well, that is exactly the point. We want to prepare for “marriage” not divorce. Anytime you give your heart to someone with no commitment for marriage, you will be devastated when you break up. If a conflict of any kind comes up during a courtship, the tendency is to back out of the relationship or to withdraw emotionally. Who wants to go deeper into a relationship where you can’t get along? The reason so many courtships break up is because it is a trial relationship, not a committed one. In a betrothal, if friction occurs (which is almost inevitable as two lives merge toward one), the young couple must work out the problem, just as they will for their whole married life. Therefore it develops skills they will use for the years to come, and breaks the cycle of backing away from relationships when the going gets tough.

Do You Eventually Fall In Love?

Well, my wife and I have “fallen in love,” and so has every other betrothed couple I have known. Because there is security in knowing the other person accepts you as you are, you can be yourself. That allows your fiancée the freedom to “fall in love” with the “real you,” not the “pretend person” you become when they are around. The betrothal is a wonderfully romantic time, because there is safety in knowing where you stand with the other person. After marriage the relationship can be very romantic, because you have avoided all of the pain and hurt that usually comes with dating or emotional manipulation. The couple is free to give and receive love, rather than artificially “winning” their spouse’s affections. Yes, you fall in love. The difference is, your emotions follow you, you don’t follow your emotions. If the romantic feelings begin to wane during marriage, it doesn’t shake you. You have built on commitment, rather than a feeling. By being committed to each other you don’t divorce when the going gets tough. The good news is, if you hang in there, the feelings come back around. In fact, they grow deeper because of serious love and covenantal commitment.

As someone who is happily married as a result of following a betrothal pattern, I highly recommend it to anyone who desires a long lasting, and, yes, romantic relationship with their spouse.

Israel Wayne is married to Brook and they have two beautiful children. Israel and Brook have written a testimony of their betrothal entitled, “What God Had Joined Together.” It is available as a 24-page gift booklet available from Wisdom’s Gate. Wisdom’s Gate, P.O. Box 374, Covert, MI 49043. This article is reprinted by permission from the HOME SCHOOL DIGEST V11#2.

Now that you have finished reading this, can you see how Betrothal shows more commitment, and biblical understanding when it comes to sacred relationships as these!?  We really need to be  in God’s word, and pray with our parents about these decisions that are so very important for our future, and the decisions we make will be glorifying to Him! (1 Corinthians 10:31)

Grace and peace,

Miss. Antoinette